I’m working on a new sporadic segment that will be a series of letters that I never plan to send. Writing is therapy for me. Names will be either omitted or changed for the sake of legal issues that could potentially arise. These will be personal, they will be honest, and they will be heartfelt. My life is an open book.
There really is no way to start saying this, so here it is: I’m sorry. Sincerely sorry. You always deserved better from me and you never got it. You had me at my worst and stuck by my side only to be hurt again and again. Someday someone will treat you like royalty and you will make them feel complete. Someday someone will let themselves love you like I once did, but they won’t let it fade like I did. Someday someone will know how stupid it would be to give up and stop trying. Until that day comes I hope you never feel too badly about how awful I was to you; I want to know you’re doing okay.
For a long time I meant it when I said “I love you” and I am so sorry that that didn’t last. We were kindred spirits, watching each other grow and learn. Unfortunately, our paths pulled us in different directions and I let it get to my head. I became controlling, dishonest, and flat out mean. I hate that side of myself. I never want to see it again. You never have to see that side of me now that we’ve spent so much time away from each other. Being friends again would be nice for a time, yet eventually we would begin to wonder.
I’m happy now and I want to know you are, too.
If anyone in this world deserves more happiness than they’ve been given, it’s you.
I’ll always care.