I’m trying to write more, but goodness me, it’s an easy habit to break.
Some days I wonder if I’ll ever get to a point in my life where I’m not struggling to simply exist. Today is one of those days and it draws out the part of me that thrives on misery. I could cheer up, but then where’s the fun in that?
When you’ve spent your entire life using hatred and negativity as a motivating factor how do you start using positive energy to your advantage? Hell, how am I even going to recognize positive energy when I see it? That in itself is a major problem. Even if I get to the point where I have a house, kids, pets, a healthy marriage, good friends, etc. am I going to be happy?
Happiness is a journey and the first step is realizing it does not depend on anything other than your choice to be happy. You could have any circumstance in the world and choose to be happy with it. I hear so often how money can’t buy happiness or replace love. (It can buy you things that make you temporarily feel great, of course, but that isn’t the point here.)
I’m one of those lucky sons of bitches that has everything going for them and is still miserable. I have plenty of wonderful things going for me but they exist in another galaxy if you ask my depression. Sure, I’ve had my share of bad times, but who hasn’t? I’ve had no worse of a life than your average person, but for some reason my brain decides that those are the only things I want to think about.
My point in all of this rambling here is that I’m starting my journey. I’m making the decision to be happy. I’m in charge here, and I don’t want to give up.
I hope that through my small entries of disorganized nonsense some people can read it and relate; finding comfort in the fact that you aren’t alone. We aren’t alone. We can start our journey to happiness together through the wonders of the internet. All it takes is that initial decision to begin.