Everyone has heard the term “self sabotage” but how many are willing to admit they participate in it? I’ve recently been made aware of my fear of success. I slack off at work, I half-ass my school work, I ignore new friends, I refuse to work out or eat healthy, and I just drift through life like a waste of space.
The toughest part is knowing I could excel at anything if I tried.
So why don’t I try? Why don’t I make an effort? Those who suffer from mental illnesses tend to experience resistance towards anything that will help them get better; including taking medication. Despite my awareness of this issue, I still suffer from it and have made no effort to get better. The me that sits in the center of my soul is shouting in frustration for me to just accept help. The outer layers of me are smothered in the dark shadows of depression, attacked by anxiety, and distracted by my failure to improve.
I want to get better, but I also know that the path to a cure is so, so, so difficult. The hardest part is this first step. The first of many difficult steps that will eventually get easier as time goes on.
What I need is a swift kick in the ass to get me moving.