I don’t even know what it’s like to not have anxiety. I’ve had it for as long as I can remember. The first time the words “I hate my life” slithered from my lips I was only 9 years old. Those words became a venomous regularity. That was the time of my life where the sun stopped shining so brightly and the darkness crept in.

My mother chose to marry one of the cruelest men I have ever had in my life. I suffered his presence for a mere three years, but it felt like three lifetimes.

Nine years old is when I learned how to hold back tears when someone screams at me for no reason. Nine years old is when I learned what a meth user looked like. (I thank whatever powers that be that my mother didn’t join in those activities.) At nine years old I was taught the broken image of a “family.” Whether I was woken up by moans, crying, or angry yelling I had the exact same lump of rock in my gut as I do today. That rock that stays forever and seems to only get heavier. It causes ulcers, acid reflux, fatigue, hormone irregularities, shorter life span. I can’t remember life before the rock of anxiety.

Somehow, reliving the worst parts of my life through this site has allowed me to feel better about each incident. For those of you reading, I thank you.

Please keep in mind that if you are struggling with anxiety or other mental illnesses, I am here with you. Typing it out to someone else can work wonders.


3 thoughts on “anxiety-be-gone

  1. That sounds like a tremendously difficult childhood, but it seems like you have built quite a thick skin against abuse. No one should have to do that, but I guess it is better to have the ability to withstand crumbling in the face of adversity.

    Is there anything you are doing to work on your anxiety? If so, what works and what does not? Thanks for the post. It was very good.


    1. Thank you.
      I have been going to yoga classes and meditating. Personally, guided meditation works best because there is a voice to focus on instead of my own thoughts. Sometimes just being alone in nature works wonders to clear your mind.
      What helps you?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I always make sure to allot at least an hour every day to myself. I do not have kids, so this is not a struggle. My wife understands, so that also makes it easier. What I do with that hour changes every day, but I know that no matter how crazy my world is I will at least have that time to decompress.

    Whenever I feel the anxiety coming up I let it happen. I’ve stopped fighting it because it makes no sense to fight a thought. That realization has made my life so much better.



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